Deep pain

This will probably be a provisional post. I don’t know…

The only living creature I really loved here, my bunny, died this Friday. I have been searching for forums on pet bereavement and, unsurprisingly, I found people that (like me) were feeling great distress and even anxiety bordering panic within the few days after the loss.

The shock has been so great (remember I had lost everything in the country I am living) that I’ve decided to change the title of the book I am writing, of which I have completed about 50 pages.

Even the introduction to the book, which still appears in the Addenda of this blog, will be removed in the printed book version and I’ll write, instead, a totally different introduction focusing on what used to be a very strong bond between my bunny and me. By extension, and remember what I said about Goring, I will pay special attention on the welfare of other animals who share the planet with us.

In the next two hours or so, after dawn, I’ll bury my Conejito with my bare hands in my garden, very close to the spot he liked to rest. I can only hope that my agony will not last so long, especially when we keep in mind how Hitler himself cried when his pet Blondie died (I also cry after writing this, telling to myself with deep pain: „Mi Conejito, mi Conejito…“).

17 Replies on “Deep pain

  1. God bless you sir and it is my hope the pain of your loss passes leaving you with the happy memories of your friend. I truly believe that it is the mark of the higher man who looks after and concerns himself of the welfare of animals as well as making them companions in his life. There is even a saying that the measure of a man is how he treats those who can do nothing for him. Keep strong comrade!

    1. Thank you for writing this. You are right: the images of the loss must pass leaving my many many beautiful memories with my Conejito.

      He was screaming last Wednesday after dark in the garden. (I used to leave him there until midnight, when I placed him in a rather large corral within the garden we made for him.) My sister opened her window and saw an animal with a long tail. We don’t know if it was a cat or a squirrel. Squirrels have been seen here but a maid told me that at the other side of the freeway she has seen this other animal (which I’ve never seen) that comes to the gardens after dark. After hearing Conejito’s screams I rapidly went to the garden and I thought he was just scared after seeing a squirrel.

      On Thursday he lost some of his appetite and was shy, unusually staying in his corral when he could have went out to the broader garden as he usually did.

      Then on Friday morning I noticed that one of his eyes was completely covered with rheum with rheum tails almost reaching his mouth. I immediately made an appointment with one of the few vets of animal fauna available in this city.

      The vet showed me that there was an ulcer in his eye. Either the mysterious animal had attacked him on the eye, or in panic my Conejito ran and harmed his eye while trying to flee.

      Conejito started to convulse in front of the vet after she poured a test liquid onto his sane eye and he was immediately brought to the emergency room where several nurses attended him with the female doctor. He apparently lost consciousness and stopped breathing. They used an air mask for bunnies but died not long after that. Apparently he had brain trauma after the accident, although I did not want any autopsy performed to know for sure.

      I am still in an incredible state of shock and trauma. In no way I cried for my father who died in 2015 or for other of my sisters who died last year as I have been crying for Conejito. Because of the anxiety, I am writing this in the hours before dawn. I woke up at 3:30 AM: just as I did yesterday, the day I buried him.

      Fortunately there are internet pages telling me that many pet owners suffer exactly the same grief symptoms I am enduring now…

      The hole in my soul is so immense that I have been thinking that only death will save me. It is like having to cure more than thirty stabs on your chest. Very difficult for someone who, like me, has no wife or children; and I have no much communication with my surviving sister who lives at the other side of the garden; she never loved Conejito anyway.

      I will write a book focusing on how, if the ethnostates are formed, we have to radically change our ways about those loving creatures we share the planet with. But something has been broken in my spirit. Really broken. Conejito was my only friend. Too huge a hole in me after black Friday (he was almost 5 years old)!

      But thank you again for your words.

  2. My sincere and profound condolences. Your deep grief for the loss of your beloved pet marks you for the TRUE Aryan you are. We love the other creatures of this world, truly love them, as we are the caretakers and keepers of this world. Hatred, loathing of and animosity towards animals is always a Warning Sigh to me – a Bright Red Flag – that tells me I am dealing with a soul-less sociopath.

    I’ve had many pets over the years. My entire family are animal lovers, and we all have multiple pets. My great big tough nephew can be reduced to silence and tear, when ever some-one mentions the loss of his beloved dog. The love you have for a creature as sweet and gentle as a bunny is especially touching. I believe animals possess souls. How can you look into their eyes and not see this? We will be re-united with our beloved companions in Paradise. I know your loss is bitter and sharp right now, but this will subside. Your darling Conejito knows you loved him dearly, and I’m certain that his little bunny soul is with you, and grieves for you pain.

    1. I really really appreciate your words, Denise. I cried yesterday when I read them and didn’t want to answer immediately, but I am answering now…

  3. You have my condolences and sympathies, César. The bond between man and companion mammal is very powerful.

    1. Thank you.

      „When an individual forges an intense bond with a beloved pet, the passing of this creature may be an excruciating loss. Those of us who’ve never established this level of connection with animals may not be able to fathom this pain. We may be genuinely baffled by the intense grief reactions…“ wrote a woman.

  4. From one animal lover to another, please accept my condolences for the loss of your friend.

    I urge you not to do anything which cannot be undone. You still have work to do.

    1. Yes: the book I’ll try to start today—the very last—will be a memoir about him: My wish is that in the ethnostate animals will finally live their golden age (compared to our present hell).

  5. I have never commented here but I am so sorry for your loss. My eyes also tear when reading of your love for your little bunny. It makes me think of one of the dearest and life-changing thing anyone ever said to me… „everyone you meet has lost something or loves something.“

    1. Thank you. It is now one week after I posted the above entry. The condolences I’ve received here (and one thru email) have been immensely supportive to bear the loss.

  6. I am terribly sorry for your loss. I am new to your blog but, one of our rabbits is terminally ill and I can empathize with your pain. I tend to think of the spiritualism espoused by Savitri Devi when I have experienced recent loss since I discovered Esoteric Hitlerism.

    1. Well… Conejito was the only family I really had in this country (Mexico), but you are right about Devi. After the really bad phase of my mourning is over, the only book in my read list is Devi’s on the welfare of animals.

      1. Devi’s book on the welfare of animals is aptly titled Impeachment of Man. The human animal is the most evil, destructive species to ever walk the earth. Which is why we are the most dominant. I think only Aryan mankind has the ability to evolve deep compassion toward all living creatures as a whole species in the relatively near future. The line that Devi opens Impeachment of Man with makes a brilliant quote:-

        „Of all moral ideas, that of our positive duties towards creatures of other species (animals, and even plants) is perhaps the slowest to impress itself upon the human mind.“

        Condolences on your loss Cesar. My thoughts are with you and Conejito.

        卐 „He who is kind to animals heaven will protect.“-Buddha 卍